So basically my mood has changed since last night.
For some reason I had the worst insomnia.
I was up passed four, and I don't think I fell asleep 'til after five.
And I was wide awake, alot of the time when I'm up really late I'm kinda dozing off, or a little sleepy. But I didn't feel like I needed a wink of sleep.
Maybe my sleeping schedule is just thrown off.
Ah well anyway,
at about 3 o'clock ish I wrote about a seven page text to two people in hopes I could spill out my guts for the moment.
And I wouldn't necessarily say I was depressed, though I was quite lonely and sad.
I was very thoughtful.
It was a beautiful line of thought, although it was quite sad.
I think I'll post it on here.
"In the pit if my stomach I feel a deep longing and it's eating through the layers of tissue until I am nothing short of a rotting corpse.
At this point, I'm a hollow shell covered in masks of self-evaluation to which I have no respect for.
I am screaming into an empty concave area that echoes the most disturbing thoughts.
I am alone in the sea of denial that constantly pushes me out and sucks me back into rolling waves of disappointment.
I've got my arms spread out for rescue, but no one takes hold.
I was once told anytime, anywhere, but to me, it's only a myth because the fake illusions that seem so loving are waiting to stab me in the back.
I'm so sick of the lonesome little girl inside me who tries too hard.
She is worthless to anyone who sees her and I despise the face, that is hers, which is reflected in the glass placed before me.
I am a fragile vase placed into the hands of destruction.
I am a withered plant placed in a desert ground.
I am a damaged, emotional person who needs to shut up."
I've got some loving people who are coming over tonight for New Year's.
So I'm happy about that.
This is the last day of 2010.
I can't believe how fast the days go by.
The next time you hear from me it'll be another year passed.
Good day to you Blogspot.
love from 2010,