Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Despite the fact

that I had a mental break down about a week ago, I don't feel better.
Honestly, I thought that I had gotten over the sadness that crept into my brain and that, when I broke down in the middle of the night, and cried so hard I couldn't do a thing, but I don't feel different.
Today I just noticed that I'm still quite sad.
My attitude of wanting to give up is still there, the things that were so important to me a little while ago, aren't right now. And I'm sure I'll get over this for sure, but my humanly existence still doesn't want to exist for the time being.
I hate it. I hate when I get down like this, especially for LONG periods of time. It's monotonous.
I'm just upset and I don't know what to do.
ALSO, I miss Jesus.
It's been a while since I've been to youth group and stuff, and thats probably part of the reason I'm so unhappy. I know it's an easy thing to talk to him and spill my guts. But I can't bring myself to do it right now. Honestly it feels as though I just smashed a million dollar car and now I have to tell the owner.
It's difficult and I don't know how to bring it up or even say a thing. idk.
ah well...
Tonight I'm going to youth group and try to talk to God.
And I think I'm gonna talk to a counselor tomorrow at school.
At least my history teacher is gonna put in a word to her,
I like to know that my teacher legit cares.
good eve
and hopefully the next time I post I'll feel better.

1 comment:

  1. Aw Brenna.. I don't like when you're sad either :( we don't talk much anymore and I wish I could help youu but I don't feel like I can :(
    But you're definitely in my prayers. Don't forget you've got amazing friends and family, and we're here to support you through this as best we can(: