Monday, April 25, 2011

I Am Not A Mistake

Pounding hearts that resemble bass drums with over fleeting bones that can't find the beginning of the road,
but we stumble and trip at every obstacle.

And those of us, who are in the "normal" existence that is copied in every generation, live amongst those who give up and fail to realize that the world, however so confusing and obsolete, has been made for a soul purpose of the one lover who desires to love us.

And we find ourselves repeating the steps our fathers did.

But daddy these shoes are too big and I'm losing myself in the stormy seas that pull their way back to me, and recognize my soaked face as these hollow bones fill themselves with salt and with the creature of an inexistent life of those who wish so badly to disappear.
We bring ourselves to the reality that these empty hearts will never be filled, and we will be left to the one and only lonely holes that our brains have devoured into our ever fading hearts that are left incredibly bitter by the weight of the world in which we live in.

We surround ourselves with hate, and not just for ourselves but for the only sadness that faces everyone and leaves us incredibly desperate for attention in our own lives.

Don't abandon me like my own figure of imagination,
don't leave me to the destruction of my own image because from the perspective of the outside, I am not meeting any standards to which I so long to achieve the goals of habitation in a shell that has taken over me.

I want to be filled with the beauty and grace that my saviour has been providing, but among my own selfishness I have lost track and lost sight to the creator who loves me.
I am surrounding myself with an utter sadness that is leaving my foundations on a sandy shore.
But I don't want to set my likeness next to the foolish man who did not build his heart upon the rock.

We are lost and afraid children who cry wolf at the teeny sights and fears that we hide in ourselves, because the only wolf around for miles, is the one being we don't want to face,
but God I want you to surround me
Please enclose yourself around my being so that my worldly eyes are not infected by the tainted love that my physical being wants to envelope in, save me from my own fears and my own insecurities so that I'm not left to the destruction of a later infection.

I'm scared,
I curl up in to a ball and tuck my hands and feet into the warmth of my shivering body,
I grow accustomed to the uncomfortable position and enclose the rest of my existence into the darkness of the corner of the world,

I run in fear and hide away, so that I will not have to come face to face with the one whom I'm made in the image and likeness of.

I droop my branches and resemble the weeping willow tree.
and fill my leaves with the living water that is right in front of me,
I break and bend to every storm that comes my way and cower in fear to the
dangers that surround me.

Like a man with an axe I sling the troubles out in front of me, and in hopes to get rid of the problems I destroy them into smaller and smaller pieces that maybe one day my problems will cease to exist.

But they only get smaller and make more room for the other issues that fill me up to the brim until I explode with the heartbreak and discouragement that I tried to escape from.

Like a scene from a horror film, I'm the first to go,
I fall on my face and can't reach the exit that my fragile arm is extended to.
Fingers extended to touch the knob that I will never successfully close fingers and make a fist around.

Because to the viewers of this scene,
failure is my only option.

But we are all failures,
we all fall short and skin our knees,
make mistakes and fall off our designated path,
but the only failure is when we decide that there is no hope or future of ever getting back on track.

This won't happen over night, but I'm not going to pitch a tent to stay here for a while,
I will push on and find that everlasting light that never ceases to find me and lead me through this darkness.

I am not a mistake.

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