Thursday, January 5, 2012

Out Of The Despair I Reached Out of, You Smacked My Hand Away.

I'm really tired,
of every part of my existence anymore.

Today is probably the worst day I have ever had, truthfully.
I'm selfish, I'm a child, I'm having a bad attitude, I'm frustrating, I ruin schedules.

I'm a burden in every way I knew I was.

This is why I distance myself with people. Because I know the fact that I'm too much.

I don't want to do it anymore,
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to sleep.
I don't want to read.
I don't want to write.
I don't want to watch movies.
I don't want to sew or paint.
I don't want to be creative.
I don't want to go to school.
I don't want to talk.

Because all my talking is just to a brick wall, and everything that's devouring me from the inside out has been shut down.

I told you once that I wanted to get out of here,
before I cried.
before I yelled at someone and threw something.
That I was havingt a bad day.

You told me to cool it.
Okay,
Thank you for making me feel like I have anger problems.
Thank you for making me feel like I should succumb to numbness and never speak again.

I don't want to do it anymore.

I don't want to live apart of this anymore.

Last night I prayed to You, God, I prayed that you'd take back all my prayers about the right man. Instead, I prayed that he would have a happy life. Because I don't deserve him.
Because I don't want anyone to have to deal with my selfishness.

Despite all my strength,
I'm too weak.

I know this sounds whiny just like anything you find on the internet.

But,
my friends,
I don't want to do it anymore.

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