Thursday, May 30, 2013

Reflection; Advice, Nostalgia

I haven't written in so long.
                 I used to consistently write here, (primarily when I felt sad)
and now I have found myself rarely making effort anymore.

 It's so scary and exciting the way life seems to move so slow&fast at the same time, and how so many changes can occur at any given time.

 I often thing back to young me, think of the kind of advice I'd give my 13,14,15...etc. self because it seems so silly the way I look back and think about each point in my life how difficult it felt, or how sad I was. And yet, here I stand on the other side and almost laugh at how small it seems now, but how much I felt as though I were suffocating in my own self at those given times. And honestly all I can think to tell myself, is "you'll be okay." All in all that's about all I can say to myself in my more dark times, when I struggle.
But God, do I feel so relieved to be where I am now. I have beaten the worst of my tsunami of depression, and all that seemed to drag me down into this never-ending whirlpool of breaking surface, and quickly being sucked back in. I have beaten the worst of the tides, and honestly all I feel now is a steady bobbing among these waves.

Especially since I've met my safe harbor, I continually thank God every day for the man he's placed in my life, never have I felt so much love or kindness from any person at a given time. He loves me so much, the kind of love I never thought I would deserve. He has become my best friend, and that's all I've ever wanted. I have never been happier than I am now at where God has led my life to. A fantastic reminder of how much he loves me. I am happily in love, soon to be travelling, (he knows me so well, my dreams of adventure arising).

There is part of me that feels nostalgic for my young self sometimes, my less worrisome mind, my creativity, my friends. I get a little melancholy thinking how my closest friends from one time or another have dwindled to a mere few, priorities change, lifestyles change, goals change; and we find our own paths that may from time to time, cross. But in the long run will fade immensely and we won't be as close, stretching to mere acquaintances where we first started.
All I have to say at the end is how much I've appreciated the ones who helped me grow, and helped shape the person I am today. There are so many thoughts, but such a struggle to translate in to speech how much love I have for the few.
I fail to make the contact, but when possible
I love you all so much. 

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